Capsule Labels/Known Label Text
Capsule labels feature a span of dummy text to fill space, usually an in-universe piece of text followed by a joke piece of text. This is a list of every known variation on this text.
1. TNG Labels 5-Label Page (White Glossy)
These labels have been spotted on a 5-sticker column sheet, in the standard Red/Brown/Blue colors from TNG. The headers and numbers from this sheet appear on other sheets with different body text.
- 855 | ACCESS PANEL 78-0067
- REFER SERVICING TO QUALIFIED STARFLEET TECHNICIANS. NO USER SERVICEABLE PARTS
- INSIDE. REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, THERE YOU ARE.
- 451 | AUXILIARY SYSTEMS 32-2398
- CAUTION: OBJECTS IN MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR TO BE. A STITCH IN
- TIME SAVES NINE. IN SPACE, NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM.
- 042 | ENVIRONMENTAL SYSTEMS 01-1865
- DON'T TUG ON SUPERMAN'S CAPE. DON'T SPIT INTO THE WIND. DON'T PULL THE
- MASK OFF THE OLD LONE RANGER, AND YOU DON'T MESS AROUND WITH JIM.
- 954 | ENGINEERING ACCESS ONLY
- THREE HUNDRED THOUSAND KILOMETERS PER SECOND. IT'S NOT JUST A GOOD
- IDEA, IT'S THE LAW. YOUR ACTUAL MILEAGE MAY VARY, OF COURSE.
- 302 | OPTICAL DATA NET SERVICE ACCESS
- JUST SIT RIGHT BACK AND YOU'LL HEAR A TALE, A TALE OF A FATEFUL TRIP, THAT
- STARTED FROM THIS TROPIC PORT, ABOARD THIS TINY SHIP...
2. VOY/Film Era 3-Column Page (Silver/Gold)
These stickers are printed in columns, with 8 stickers per column, generally 2-3 columns. This layout only seems to be used for VOY and later episodes and shows.
- 806 | TERTIARY SUBSYSTEM 67-517
- SAFETY PROCEDURES MUST BE OBSERVED PRIOR TO OPENING THIS COMPARTMENT. IN
- THE EVENT OF A WATER LANDING, THIS UNIT MAY BE USED AS A FLOTATION DEVICE.
- 321 | ACCESS PANEL 22-329
- CONTAINS ACTIVE OPTICAL DATA NETWORK ELEMENTS. DO NOT REMOVE THIS PANEL
- WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION FROM CHIEF ENGINEER. JANE, STOP THIS CRAZY THING!
- 302 | ENVIRONMENTAL SYSTEMS 24-505
- CONTAINS COMPONENTS CRITICAL TO ENVIRONMENTAL CONTROL SYSTEMS. WILE E.
- COYOTE, SUPERGENIUS. I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT. WILE E. COYOTE, SUPERGENIUS!
- 927 | ENGINEERING ACCESS ONLY
- DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SERVICE THIS MODULE WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION FROM CHIEF
- ENGINEER OR OPERATIONS OFFICE. MY GOD, THE BASTARDS HAVE KILLED KENNY!
- 047 | OPTICAL DATA NET SERVICE ACCESS
- CAUTION: OPERATING PROTOCOL 95-7574 REQUIRES FULL REDUNDANCY FOR ALL
- PRIMARY DATA FEEDS. BE VEWY, VEWY QWIET, I'M HUNTING WABBITS. HEH HEH HEH!
- 855 | ACCESS PANEL 46-102
- NO USER SERVICABLE PARTS INSIDE. THEY FIGHT AND BITE, THEY FIGHT AND FIGHT
- AND BITE, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT, BITE BITE BITE, IT'S THE ITCHY & SCRATCHY SHOW.
- 954 | EMERGENCY ACCESS ONLY 83-152
- WARNING: SEVERE PLASMA HAZARD. DO NOT ACCESS WHEN PRIMARY WARP DRIVE
- SYSTEMS ARE IN USE. I TOUGHT I TAW A PUTTY TAT. I DID, I DID TEE A PUTTY TAT!
- 451 | AUXILIARY SYSTEMS 95-610
- CAUTION: THESE SYSTEMS FOLLOW A GNDN OPERATING PROTOCOL. WHO HOLDS BACK
- THE ELECTRIC CAR? WHO MAKES STEVE GUTTENBERG A STAR? WE DO, WE DO!
3. Unknown 5-Label Page (Unusual Gold Sample)
These labels appeared on an unusual sample. It appears to be from the production, but with an un-brushed glittery gold backing. It's cut and printing quality is consistent with previous production-made samples, but the materials for the vinyl are peculiar. However, it also features a unique set of non-technobabble jokes that seem to be similar to sample 1 above.
- 855 | ACCESS PANEL 78-0067
- ALL THE WORLD'S A STAGE, AND ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN MERELY PLAYERS,THEY (typo intended)
- HAVE THEIR EXITS AND THEIR ENTRANCES, AND ONE MAN IN HIS LIFE PLAYS MANY PARTS...
- 451 | AUXILIARY SYSTEMS 32-2398
- DON'T FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. INSTRUCTIONS ARE BROKEN DOWN IN SMALL STEPS.
- WHEN YOU MAKE SMALL STEPS, YOU BECOME A SMALLER PERSON.
- 042 | ENVIRONMENTAL SYSTEMS 01-1865
- DON'T TUG ON SUPERMAN'S CAPE. DON'T SPIT INTO THE WIND. DON'T PULL THE
- MASK OFF THE LONE RANGER, AND YOU DON'T MESS AROUND WITH WENDY OR KIM.
- 954 | ENGINEERING ACCESS ONLY
- SAVE THE PLANET. SHOCK THE MONKEY. PASS THE BUCK. KEEP OFF THE GRASS.
- SING A SONG. BANG A GONG. TAR AND FEATHER. STEAL THE SHOW.
- 302 | OPTICAL DATA NET SERVICE ACCESS
- THE BEST MAN FOR THE JOB IS A WOMAN. OPTIMISM IS THE RIGHT OUTLOOK TO
- HAVE. PESSIMISM IS THE ENEMY. OPTIMISM CREATES POSSIBILITIES.